Dear Universe

Posted: 08/03/2010 in General

It has come to my attention that I’ve managed to alienate myself from every single one of my friends, thus causing an indirect destruction of everything.

I just wanted the Universe to know that I didn’t mean for my previous post to be seen in just an abusive way. I was being my sad, emo, egotistical, teen self… so I was blaming all my problems on everyone else when they are all my fault. I should take these and everything else on by myself and shouldn’t bother telling anyone.

I realise that I’m a horrible person that doesn’t seem to care what others think, but that is due to me being just a self centred twat. This means that when someone else has a problem, that is more important than my small petty problems, and they are talking to someone and I’m being over the top sad about something tiny, I shouldn’t get angry etc.

I realise that I am a complete twat face.

This has all been one massive misunderstanding that has lead me to realise that I’m a knob and don’t deserve friends. I can see why none of you would want to talk to me, so I wont talk to you because I assume you hate me now. Things will now be weird and I’m fine being a loner, I had it coming.

I also realise that the situation may have worsened today at the end of school when it looked like I left because of something, when I left for the sake of leaving, if it is any consolation, I cut my finger on the way out and it bled a fair bit… I also didn’t clean the wound, so I could get something horrible and make everyone happy. I would show you, but I can’t find my camera…

I realise that the friends I had were closer than I thought, and now I have none, which sucks…. but I deserve it… Guess it means I’ll get lots of walking done… heh heh…

I sadly can’t see any of you ever talking to me as a friend again, as I hurt you so badly, and also was very offensive. I took down the post, but I know that no matter what I say, it doesn’t matter…. that what I did was unacceptable.

I’m sorry.

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Comments
  1. Rosie says:

    Chris. People don’t hate you. They are pissed off with you at the moment (understandably) and they don’t know how to act around you anymore because they think you hate them all (again, very much understandable). Everyone with a belly button makes mistakes and I know you always dismiss my cheeriness, but it wouldn’t hurt you if you lightened up a bit. Maybe the one girl that you have like for ages doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe you haven’t had a girlfriend, but are things really that bad? Always remember there is someone far worse off than you. I’m not dismissing your problems, I’m really not. It’s just you seem to have had the same problem for a long long while now, if you just let go of it, perhaps you would find things a bit breezier. Give people a chance, and stop fretting about the small things. I’m gonna come out with another cliche, but it’s a good’un: Live life to the full. I know you can’t judge right now, but when you get to your 40’s with a wife and kids, what are you going to tell them about high school? That you missed out on opportunities because you were busy worrying about what other people think.
    I’m not sure that you’ll take what I’m saying on board, but I’m saying these things because I care about you, and I want to prove that other people care about you very very much, and you have to start to give that back a bit. I guess I’ll see you at school, if you want to talk. If not, I hope I’ve made even the slightest difference.

    Rosie
    xxx

  2. Chris says:

    I doubt now that people care about me… oops…
    I’m not good with emotions…. I’m generally not a cheery person, I’m not good at helping people out because I’ve rarely been in the same position as them, I’m generally useless to people.
    I’m sorry if I’m cold all the time, I am happy sometimes, it may not show, but I am… I’m just not good at helping people out, because I don’t know how. I just don’t know what to do in any situation, because the amount of experience I’ve had in life is so little because I’ve managed to waste all my high school life POORLY trying to get ONE girl to like me more. I know that I should, but I can’t.
    I know I should get my head out of my arse, I know that. I know that I’m a horrible person already, it’s been pointed out to me enough times in my life for me to know. I’ve said it to myself enough times to know that I’m horrible. I’m just not good at this sort of thing, I’m sorry.

    It’s probably good that you posted a comment now, because I was planning on editing it to include “If I weren’t such a coward I’d consider suicide. This is the sort of time when people do that sort of thing, when they’re life has gone tits up and it’s their fault.” but I guess that’d be inappropriate…

    Not that this comment is gonna be read….
    but It’s not JUST the whole not having a girlfriend or anything… no, it isn’t just that… it’s stuff that I’m too embarrassed to say… and I’m sure more people would get angry at…. and then I’d just view myself as pathetic again…

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