And I’m Feeling Gooooood!

Posted: 17/12/2009 in General, Life
Tags: , , , , ,

Okay… well, because as of now, there is a high chance that there’ll be no school… which sucks by the way… I’ve decided to do a proper Blog. “A proper Blog?” I hear you wonder… Yes… instead of sugar coating it all I’m going to be all moody and really let go of the bottle!

Okay, this is basically the WONDERFUL party. I know that the only two that will read this will be Max and Ben anyway…

Okay, so when I got back from school on that wednesday I was feeling a bit anxious about the party… before I knew it we were having to get ready to leave… my brother came home at the last second and gave me his tie and a better shirt… then I was off… and back because I forgot my ticket.

The way there was horrible because my dad began swearing like mad yelling that Suffolk was backwards but we eventually found the place… expecting to be one of the first there I was happy to see Tom Baines, Ben and Nico to talk to for a bit. Chloé and gang arrived and I talked to them for a bit before they were told to go back the right way… didn’t see them for a while.

Simon and I talked and blah blah blah… okay, so basically… Everyone either turned up to the party drunk or stoned (or both) and planned on becoming drunk or stoned (or both) which was already spelling out disaster….

The evening gradually progressed and I was slowly getting more and more annoyed. WHY!? Well, I began to get the feeling I wasn’t wanted by most people in how I would always be cut out of conversations within seconds and then left by myself… I began to realise that I didn’t properly fit in with ANY group meaning I don’t have many close friends…

One of the worst heart wrenching parts was watching the person I love talk to pretty much everyone… embrace a lot of people as well, in front of me and then be gone without even noticing my existence. So that game began to get old and really quite painful.

Some big hoopla began to unfold and I managed to tag along with Simon for ages… Then I tried talking to others again which made me feel worse as the same began to happen and it began to really hurt… Talking to Simon I was then suddenly swept away to the Foyer area.

Simon and I then talked about pretty much the above and had one of our talks about how this whole thing is really shit and how everything is too separated and blah. Nat Fairs came out to see us and comfort me ‘n’ what not and went away for a second and then came back with a tissue for my eyes… oh how embarrassing…

So yeah, we talked some more then something happened and we ended up sitting on the floor feeling depressed and pissed off about the whole thing. Adam popped up for a second then Chloé came over for a second but only to poke Adam in the side then go off around the corner to have a talk with him, then I didn’t see her again the entire evening…

I know I’m being really petty… but this how I felt on the day… I was really depressed cause the people  I wanted to talk to were ignoring me, sure not on purpose but it still really hurt.

On that day I was also quite hungry… having a bowl of cereal, a slice of cheesecake, 3 jelly beans, 2 gummy strawberries and one peaches and cream lolly. Filling.

Unfortunately, Simon had to leave so I was left with no one to talk to. I found Adam and Luke and talked to them for a bit, I couldn’t help think they wanted to be somewhere else… It hit midnight so I said, “I’ll brb” and then saw my dad was here and left. Dad didn’t say a word to me at all… Car journey was silent… sadly he didn’t even see the tear roll down my cheek. OH HOW DEEP AND EMO! Yes oh ho ho1 Look at that… no… But yeah, got home… went upstairs, bitched to foreign friends and then tried to go to sleep at 1:30am… I ended up lying awake for a whole hour in the dark, which feels like forever on your own….

Overall, the whole ordeal was crap… and it has continued on into today. Simon is still depressed…. I’m still constantly swinging between urges to kill myself and urges to slightly maim myself. Max is feeling miserable. Everyone else is hung over and grumpy.

I know I’ve basically shot myself in the foot putting this but I did not enjoy the entire thing. Sure, I guess this will all be turned back on me by “You should really try more” and other such phrases. But, I guess I’ll have to put up with it and be viewed as the villain for being pathetic and what not.

At this rate there isn’t going to be any school tomorrow which will suck major, cause Fridays are my best days… I love my fridays… normally… Which just makes it all worse…

Oh yeah, because I am being honest… currently my torso is in VAST amounts of pain and looks like a chopping board!

Laterz!

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Comments
  1. Chris says:

    Another good song line would be “I can’t stop partying partying!”

  2. Chris says:

    Oh just another quick thing….
    I’m not angry at all of you, no, I’m angry at myself… (and a few of you (lol))

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